Nerd

Why is it that the last person you wanna see somewhere is the only person you see somewhere...fuck. luckily, his need to be the coolest guy in the room, sitting with the youngest girls he can, saved me some awkward moments.i know hes lonely but his comstant need to be the center just drives me fucking nuts. Oh well. Its funny too cuz i told burr not to wear the work sweater because i had a feeling that wed see someone from work. I dont mind most folk but him...goddamnit. at least he didnt stay and chat.

Oh well. It was a fun night regardless. Spending too much money though. What else? Oh. Gonna make some sashimi soon. Need some good fish and short grain rice but i think we got this. Sashimi first since it's the least complex but definitely the most authentic tasting. Wanna make some dashi soup or some other dashi based item. The tonkatsu don was delightful and the sauce real l really brought it together.

Had some sad dreams the other night. Playing bball at high school with everyone again. Nostalgia and sadness woke me up. Thankfully the ghosts that have been plaguing my dreams of late came back to whisk away some of the real life drama.

Still haven't seen ghostbusters. Don't really have an urge to though. The cast doesn't really interest me. I like Wiig  but never go out my way to see her. The other women i either really dislike or have no prior experience of their style so i could honestly care less.

Need to do something bug before school though. Bills have been jumping in the way but flag might be a great option. Oh well. Boring update over. Sleep now

Getting rid of toxic people

It's been a long time coming but it has finally happened. Yesterday was his last day. This guy... I swear. I have never seen that much animosity delivered by one man to a team. Seriously. All the guy did was antagonize, belittle, and disappear for weeks at a time with nothing to show for besides catty comments on the tickets. His goodbye was awkward as shit too. I think he knew we didn't care that he was leaving. I mean he tells Miguel, Rocky, and I it was good working with us then makes a dumb joke to Aaron that lands a little too close to the truth. Their were polite chuckles but it was mostly insincere.

The funny thing though was Aaron was the only one in his corner for so long but within the last few months he managed to burn that last remaining bridge. I'd love to log the comments here for future reading but obviously I can't as it is about licensed stuff but man was Aaron pissed. Here's this guy, this guy who has literally said, "Maybe if you do some research we can have an intelligent conversation in two or three months," who could not understand basic delta-compression file creation! All it was if the release changes, only save the changes in the update package. Keeps it small and lean but for whatever reason he didn't understand. I have less than a year of development experience under my belt but I could wrap my head around the binary creation. I wanted so much for Aaron to return those catty comments with a "well maybe if you did some research, we could have an intelligent conversation." It would have been so great. Granted, Aaron did send a pretty passive aggressive, and then finally active aggressive, comment back and I (and the others) fucking loved it.

The weird part though was that it was decision to leave, to resign after he got he new job. After it was announced, he suddenly starts bringing some output to the table which weirded us all out. He had been assigned multiple projects and spent multiple months doing shit all! The one application he had to finish, he didn't even finish. In fact, he made it WORSE!! Fuck. I always felt so worthless when he talked to me but now, looking back, I can see that I produced way more than he did his entire time here. I love the team I'm apart of. I did start off as the odd man out, although the Test guys welcomed me with open arms right away, but I could feel the flow of respect over time and it made me work harder because of the mutual investment. He just didn't care. Didn't care about being a part of a team and just really milked the clock (although he was salary, a fucking substantial salary) and I kind of hope he gets fired. Not out of being mean but because he needs it. He needs to realize that he isn't some lone hero, charging into battle against the mischievous BIOS partitions or asynchronous messaging between blocks of memory but rather he is a part of a squad.

It was just ridiculous. Well, now that he's gone, there will be less stress of waiting for the most temperamental dude I've ever talked to to actually update his tickets or submit code.  

Yeay Art

So I know that I said that I would be doing a monster series this summer but obviously I have not. Well not what I was planning anyways. Did some snapchat art though. I like it, its my new background. If you wanna add me on snapchat its......NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS YOU AD BOTS@snapchat. It's a long name, I know, but where else are you going to get some primo tentacool shit popping out of the pool? No where, that's where. No where.





G'night

Ya you know me

Ah fuck it. I got nothing to say right now. I need to get some real thoughts in here (points to over hairy head). I gotta get some shit straight. I just realized how much i hate trying sometimes. I dont know what it is, im not afraid of failure. Failure is so uncommon id be more afraid of success. I think i fear true success because im so damned detached. I care, and i dont. About everything really. I can't say when it happened, i just know that it did. Maybe I'm just tired. Sleep is a essential nutrient but i forgo it on here,  waiting. For what, i dont know. I have squandered so many opportunities because i just don't care. Not in a negative way, i have empathy amd understand the importance but it just doesn't affect me sometimes. I just sit there in this weird,  quasi content state. I know one the biggest blockers i have right now. I know potentially how to deal with it but, i dont do it. Not out of fear but out of a detachment. I dont know. Ive had more than a few people tell me that i have little to no emotion. The joke is that I'm a robot, but that i harbor some kind of rage.  Thats a lie though. A lie i tell myself that i just hide it well but the truth is there isn't much to hide.  Its a flash in the pan. A spark that burns brilliant and hot but snuffs itself out just as quickly as it started.  

I dont know.  I like being content. I mean, its who i am so i dont know any other way but there are times i wish i could just let it boil and seethe amd spit or some shit like that. Feel alive as some say but i know thats bullshit too. Oh well. Ill just continental l continue on, being me. Being the best me cuz do i really have an option? Can i really change? Id like to think I've grown up or is it just me casting off the veneer of childhood development, a development guided by heavy hands of adults wishing to start anew,  and just learning to be me? 

Whatever. Im happy (sort of (mostly)) amd life is good.  I'm done now. Go to bed. 

Back in the chair again

Sitting back in my old desk, out from the solitude of the back corner with the disembodied heads. They finally got me my own dual booting pc (windows 7 and unbuntu 14.04). I like being back. I like being back in the club, its been really nice. Before, my main interaction with people was skype but now i can laugh and joke with everyone again. Im sorry she had to be fored but the pace was just too fast she might not last.

Keep on haunting me

Im begging you to keep on

Project 1

So the server had to wait as our Internet is being shit. Can't tell if it's the service or the router. Gonna reset the router tomorrow to rule out that possibility. Maybe the firmware got flubbed. It happens. Anyways, in the meantime i ordered some new speakers for my car and got them installed tonight.

The door speakers were easy. Just popped of the door panel, breaking the door latch in the process (woops!) And removing the old busted ones. Weird thing was they were polks, a not to shabby brand but they were old and cracked. Then the rears...talk about some annoying stuff. First, i was dumb and didn't recognize that 6x9s cant fit in my rear speaker wells. They used some smaller size thats weird. So...i had to get crafty.

 Had to remove the rear speaker panels, trace out the shape for the 6x9s, use the dremel to cut and spit nearly molten plastic all over the place, secure the speakers with screws and and metal setters, and finally rewire a bit to get rid of the plug chassis in the back. Not hard, just very time consuming. Im grumpy though that the rear trim doesnt allow the grills to fit but im happy with the results. Now, i dont have just the right front speaker firing! I may go back and insulate to protect from plastic buzzing but right now im happy.

Does it rain?

What was once a well; with rapid, gurgling, and consistent flow has dried up. What was once flowing with such ebb and flow has become stagnant. Have the clouds drifted on to other areas? Does a drout persist here? The coffers run deep but ours is a town that rally for freshness when source is unknown. The excitement of the mystery makes the water that much sweeter but tragedy befalls them. They will wait again in dormancy. They will wait as the gods, deities, scientific phenomenon or whomever is responsible for that kind of thing see it befit to spring forth anew. They will wait with knowledge of the"good times", the bountiful harvest.