Ah fuck it. I got nothing to say right now. I need to get some real thoughts in here (points to over hairy head). I gotta get some shit straight. I just realized how much i hate trying sometimes. I dont know what it is, im not afraid of failure. Failure is so uncommon id be more afraid of success. I think i fear true success because im so damned detached. I care, and i dont. About everything really. I can't say when it happened, i just know that it did. Maybe I'm just tired. Sleep is a essential nutrient but i forgo it on here, waiting. For what, i dont know. I have squandered so many opportunities because i just don't care. Not in a negative way, i have empathy amd understand the importance but it just doesn't affect me sometimes. I just sit there in this weird, quasi content state. I know one the biggest blockers i have right now. I know potentially how to deal with it but, i dont do it. Not out of fear but out of a detachment. I dont know. Ive had more than a few people tell me that i have little to no emotion. The joke is that I'm a robot, but that i harbor some kind of rage. Thats a lie though. A lie i tell myself that i just hide it well but the truth is there isn't much to hide. Its a flash in the pan. A spark that burns brilliant and hot but snuffs itself out just as quickly as it started.
I dont know. I like being content. I mean, its who i am so i dont know any other way but there are times i wish i could just let it boil and seethe amd spit or some shit like that. Feel alive as some say but i know thats bullshit too. Oh well. Ill just continental l continue on, being me. Being the best me cuz do i really have an option? Can i really change? Id like to think I've grown up or is it just me casting off the veneer of childhood development, a development guided by heavy hands of adults wishing to start anew, and just learning to be me?
Whatever. Im happy (sort of (mostly)) amd life is good. I'm done now. Go to bed.
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