Time is certainly a flat circle

You can never escape it. It is a carousel that sounds round and round only giving you so many changes in scenery until you come full circle again. Life is repition. It is, at times, a single frame on repeat.

It's one of those weird things

Out and about when I hear some Matson Jones. Haven't heard that since reading late night in my bunk bed at my mom's house. This was at dinner. We end up meeting some friends downtown and who's bumping through the speakers, fucking Lorn. Just jams for days. I wonder though if these bands have always played in the wild and I'm just noticing or I happen to be influenced by the same influencers

And the world spoke

Unto him the world spoke. Not in words but in gestures. Gestures of good faith and bad. In riddles and in plain threats.  It used not words but actions. It hurt him, struck him with arrows made of tragedy, cared for him with gestures of good will and tempted him lusty objects. Now, with death upon him like a blanket, he wondered. What was it all for? The suffering, the anguish, the joy, the love? Why have any of it? Why waste the energy on creating something he couldn't have? With what he had let left he said goodbye. Goodbye to it all. Goodbye to the ones he loved and hated. Goodbye to the things he wanted and had. Goodbye to his torments and to his lovers. There are more world's than these he thought. BB

Taking his own life was out of the question but moving it wasn't. To lift the roots that have spread so deep would be work and toil but not without reward. Across the sea she waited. A beacon that pulled him to safety or ruin. It mattered not but the call was great. Alone he paddled into the night. The moon his only company, his thoughts a passenger left behind on a lonely beach.

Spooked the shit out myself last night

Tried to comprehend dying. Tried to imagine being a state where i can't i.agine anything, where the mind is literally dead. The inifinite scared the shit out of me in the hour before sleep so i ended up reading. Itonically i was reading a book that deals with the after life in the particular pages i was on.

John dies at the end

Will review once i finish reading

You Wumbo

I wumbo. Man am i exhausted. That final waa no fucking joke and ive only had 3 to 4 hours of sleep in the last 24. Need to get some better strategies. Need to prepare more. Apparently taking mini exams help better than HW as they prepare you for the real thing. Seems obvious but who wants to take a bunch of mini exams? well, time for one more. i dont even have to do that well in this one to get a b so im pretty excited but still determined

There's always that hope

I wonder what will set it off. What will give the spark, the inclination, the desire to return. Will it be a word that kicks off a memory? A chance meeting in the wild that peaks curiosity? Will it actually happen? Eight ball says No (after a couple times of try again later) but hope still remains. Its been a couple of months now, the whispers of your last encounter are fading into the recesses of memory already, but the fire still burns, will burn.

It has been three months s

New Fucking Jams

Holy snipes have I been jamming to this shit for the last couple of days. Lorn man. Pretty sure I have talked about him already (a DJ turned producer/songwriter from the US) but man have I got more to say. Just something about his heavy mood, use of simple rhythms, vamped samples, and catchy beats have really got me grooving. They've practically been the soundtrack to my life the past week or so. I drive to it, work to it, study to it, fucking get down to it, sleep to it, dream to it, wank to it, you name it. This is my new jam:
Until there is no End.

Now, I would normally put a link here, in hopes that someone will click, but I know now that no one will. Well maybe not but the cards say probably not (heart of the cards be damned). I created a radio station on Pandora after Lorn and man has it been some moody shit. I love it right now. I guess it makes sense that I have come full circle. I used to hate this house music shit but now I eat it up with a a goddamn spoon, letting it drip down my chin, and beg for more once its all done. That's hyperbole obviously, and I'm just having fun writing this so deal with it, but it's not too far from the truth.

Well that's enough procrastinating and self circle jerking (circles need more than one point homie....unless you consider the center but that's still just a point without a defined radius). Back to work. Oh, Westworld has been blowing my mind lately. Check it out

All this shit hurts my heart

It really does brah. Too much so. Its almost your birthday. Can't imagine how your family is dealing.

Time travel

Think madoka but with a twist. I like that (spoiler) Homura keeps going back in time to save her buddy Madoka and it just makes her so bitter. She watches her die so many times, fails so many times, yet perseveres. It was fucking powerful once you realized it but i also like the gunslinger's version of creating multiple timelines. After (spoiler) Jake dies and goes back to New York he starts having memories of multiple times. This eventually drives him mad and compels him to find the bridge to Roland and co. I love this drive. I love this compulsion both of these characters have with fate. The difference being Homura wanted to buck fate and save a friend, but unknowingly created an even stronger destiny for the adorable Madoka while Jake fought to realign his. Seemingly, the beam ran through both of them as it techinally would. I love the notion of fate but its only really romantic if your fate is something extraordinary . Like, no one would want to read a story of a person who was fated to die from a peanut allergy behind a 7/11 after a fairly average life. Sure, some really cool things may have happened between their birth and their peanut demise but its always the beginning and the end we remember the most. just like with a new love, we always remember the first moments of passion and the fizzling end that comes to all.

I dont know where i was going. Just jamming to some tunes and letting the thumbs do the talking. later gator.

Can you feel it

There they stood. Tall as great oaks with their feet rooted to the ground with similar authority. The wind whipped and howled, trying to tear them down but they didnt waver. Ancient things, they lived in tales older than the palace walls and the ruins they were built from. for centuries they stood unmoving, silent reminders of what lies beyond their shadow, what terrible things lurk in the beyond. Tonight is their festival. A time to celebrate their existence and their eternal protection. The feasting started in the midday with offerings of wheat and corn and meat brought to their feet. As the sun slid behind the mountains to west, the fires began to crackle and dance. The crowds, freshly woken from a post feast nap, gathered and moved with renewed vigor. They danced in circles around the fire. Their faces gleamed with sweat and the flicker of orange flame painted their faces and gleamed brightly in lusty eyes. The dancing decayed from ritualistic swaying and counted steps to intermingling of men in women in moves of obvious courtship. This was a night of sin, a show for the guardians whos hearts still beat with hot blood. 

The sounds of joining souls could be heard just out of the reach of the fires. More and more people, drenched in sweat and smelling of spiced liquor, would peel or be peeled away from the dancing firelight. It was a time of tradition, a time of lust, a time of sacrifice. Between the moans and cries of pleasure the steady and slow drum beat of the bearers could be heard coming from the darkness. Their tempo was slow, steady, and infectious. The dancing bodies moved in time. As the steady beats grew closer a new sound could be heard. Bells. The bells of the offering jingled and rang in time with the beat. As the bells got closer and louder the number of those still on their feet by the fire dwindled faster to retreat into the darkess to join with another. 

The drummers could be seen now. Their white cloaks glowed pale in the dark as they approached the flames that never seemed to dwindle. Like ghosts they slipped from shadow and into the light, their faces hidden behind wooden masks painted white with the prayers etched into them. The drums were simply constructed but were painted with ornate symbols, the words of the gods. They came in twos, the drummers, and split to either sides of the fire still beating the same tempo. The bells, and their players, were next. Women and men dressed in white cloth draped over their naked bodies somberly came from shadow. Like wraiths, their approach was terrifying and mystical. Their faces were uncovered, showing the tears that streamed down their cheeks in great rivers. They did not weep or sob though, the only sounds they made were the bells that decorated the leather straps that bound their arms behind their backs. 

The drummers began to pick up the pace as the wraiths approached large piles of dead grass and dried wood. Four pyres were readied, two for the women and two for the men. The tempo quickened as volunteers helped the the offerings onto their individual platforms, the bells on their straps rang as they tied the straps tightly across timbers erected in the middle of the pyres. The drumming quickened more and more with syncopated patterns making themselves heard. Primal and raw the moans in the dark matched the new rhythm. 

Lorn

Discovered a new band (new to me) that ive really been grooving to. Lorn (from the title) is an American Dj who specializes in heavy synth and moody beats. i first started listening after hearing the single acid rain which had a video of dead cheerleaders aggressively dancing in an abandoned diner. something about the feel of it, the drama, was really inspiring. like it inspired this kind dread that was both sexy and frightening. Really neat stuff. I kind of feel like spending a day just jamming to it and seeing what kind of words come out. With the synth heavy beats i wouldnt be surprised if some leather clad vampires or some other typical 90s shit came roaring out.

Peace

Dusty beginnings

It all started here in this dusty, stereotypical hotel room in the desert with a bed full of noisy springs and stains hidden in the chaos of the carpet pattern built to do just that. Here is where is where the snake will bite its own tail in that endless loop. My memories, such as they are, were nothing but tangled wire in mind. Barbs along their lengths poke and damage me as I try and trace them from origin to now. The pain of death, the sorrow of people's leaving, the pleasures of sleepless nights, all were tangled together in a mess with no beginning or end, only the endless loop. Time has been funny to me lately. It ebbs and flows incoherently as if drunk leaving me the one to feel dizzy and sick to my stomach. I have stared down the tunnel of death more than a few times, and a few times walked to its end, but still here I sit in dusty jeans in a dusty room with a mind full of dust. That is all that is left of me, what I was who I was, dust. Nothing but the powdered remains of a life half lived rest on me and fall to the floor in this tired room. The water in the bathtub is cooling, and the cuts will hurt more. That's fine. What's the infinite pleasure of rest without a little pain?

Far away from a hotel room with cooling, empty path, and way before the room was event rented the day started with such promise. Fall in Arizona was always a subtle treat. Granted, the drama of leaves changing color wasn't a part of the play here but the feeling of cooling weather and shorter days triggered lazy feelings in comfortable chairs. Now, that is what I wanted. The traffic on the interstate was creeping along at what felt like only a breath faster than a jog. Taillights gleamed rhythmically ahead as brakes were consistently tapped with impatient feet. My own joined the light show without missing a beat. The miles before home always seemed to stretch the longest. On the radio a monotone man was describing delays on Interstate 10 due to a roll over that blocked all east bound traffic. Now you tell me, I think. Not when I was further west, the stretch of cars that now blocked my travel nowhere in sight, and with the thought of taking a wistful little detour. Now, like everyone else, I am trapped here. I was in no hurry to be home though and the sun was only just setting behind me with a cool breeze drifting in from my open window.

The Rural Juror

Lolololl

Election results

Fuck. really didn't expect that. Hillary is completely unelectable though, and the DNC shot themselves in the foot with the collusion. oh well. At least it's over. In my opinion, the main reason Hilary lost was her overt ambition. I can understand, she's probably wanted to be behind that desk for the last 20 years or so, but her desire for it more than likely burned more than a few bridges. I mean, she tried running against the power house that was Obama 8 years ago in her first primaries and found out that she is incredibly unrelatable. Then, she climbs to secretary of state, eyeballing the presidency the whole time. She then starts campaigning like 2 or 3 years in advance, no doubt greasing wheels and twisting arms the whole time. I'm not saying that out of some prejudice, its just what I feel and what I have gathered from the DNC leaks. T

Wherever you are

Let's get loud like thunder. Been creeping on Shaed and their YouTube a lot for that song (Thunder) as well as Just Wanna See. It's super funny since I wasn't really into those songs before the concert but now I can't get enough of them. Every time I'm at work I pop them on and jam to them at least twice. Something just so damn catchy about them plus seeing them live really just internalized it for me. So, now I am sitting here (waiting on this weird imaging issue on the mining systems to complete) jamming along again and reading the lyrics. Typical lovey dovey stuff that normally I don't like but I guess I have made an exception for them. Well, since we are here, lets give a run down

Not much going on lately. Just work and school and school and work. Still super bummed about my Australia trip being pushed back, hopefully it still goes down in January but who knows. Money has been tight lately as the hours here at work have been eaten by the damn labs over at the U. So long, so much time spent up there. Went out a couple of times, even for Halloween. It was surprising to see a costume contest go to a man dressed as Bob Ross (the painter) over a sexy cat woman. Normally, at least from the bar contests I have seen, the sexy woman always prevails. This time though, mostly dudes up there. Granted, I was still grumpy he won considering his costume was probably purchased that night while the guy who dressed as a character from destiny and the couple who went as Jack Skelenton and Sally (who both probably spent more than a few hours getting them together) didn't even place. Some total bull shit right there, but then again the spectators were drunk so...

Goddamnit. Something is wrong with this recovery dongle. Well, back to work

New post

Coming soon.  thinking something dirty . ...hehehe

A fuck ton of music

This year has been fucking outrageous with the number of concerts I have seen. Lets give a breakdown:

1. Miike Snow
2. Zella Day
3. Matt and Kim
4. A-Trak
5. DJ Mustard
6. Danny Brown
7. Calexico
8. Wild Belle
9. Gaby Moreno (sort of) 
10. Marian Hill 
11. Verite
12. Shaed
13. Jarkus Singleton
14. Betty Fox Band
15. The Cedric Burnside Project
16. Train Wreck
17. Silversun Pickups
18. Kiev
19. A Silent Film
20. Deerhoof
21. Skating Polly
22. Megaran
23. Zeds Dead
24. Lil Dicky (although he did split...)
25. NBA Game (not a concert but I haven't seen one of those before so sue me)

It has been a pretty magical experience and I may have a couple more still left to go to before the year is up. Bob Moses in November would be nice plus we have the crawl in Bisbee. I'm fucking waiting for Queens of the Stone age to release a new album so they can tour. I know though that concert will sell out faster than a web page can even load (thanks stub hub) but I really want to try and snatch some up. It really makes me miss you though Andrew. Chris and I got to see a few of these bands together and it would've been awesome to have you there with us. Especially at the Dusk festival in the arcade. It would've unbalanced the teams but would have been stellar. Still can't believe you're gone man. 

I have a link to my imgur if you're interested in the highlights. Some pics and video apparently got lost? I don't know how but I don't see them. 

http://imgur.com/a/tERLD

I think next year I want to make a focus on seeing live shows that aren't music. Events like plays, comedy clubs, demo derbies, stunt shows, burlesque (or strip club hehehe), and other shit like that. I would also like to catch some more big band and classical. 

Well. That does it for this one. 

Cleaning house

I intend to restart this blog. To start anew. I am going to cast off the odd amount of hate this thing has gotten and start fresh. I have backed up all the previous posts, as they are mine, and will keep them secret and safe and what not but I will start a new line of posts. Ones that should be less hated for whatever reason.

A true drunk rant

Not really but pretty close.  Closest i have ever been at home. What do i wanna talk about? Do i wanna talk about being a total fuckup, or do i wanna talk about being with some one who thinks me a monster. Fuck it. You aint gonna read this anymore so what do i care.  Funny. I obviously do care else i wouldnt be writing to you.  I miss you something fierce but i know its not reciprocated so i just flounder. I dont know what it is but something about ya draws me.  Now, i aint gonna do shit but bitch and moan on here, hell i havent even looked at your pins since you called me a stalker or some shit like that.  Not gonna lie, that made me upset. Ya, i have looked at your boards but honestly you looked first. I remember now.  It was when my sis helped you at your bank.  I was curious if you would look at me and you did.  At that point, i gave up on looking for you.  I didnt check statcountet, i didnt look at your stuff, nothing.  I had pretty much gotten over you.  Then my sis texts me that she helped you. That you recognized her.  Then you go and look at my shit.  I didnt do anything.  I didnt message you, didn't look on pinterest, didn't do shit but just be at school and you look.  Then, i get curious.  See you wanna get married to some guy, which is your right but idk. It seems quick.  Yes I'm jealous but beyond that it still seems very quick.  Then you look more, and i look more.  I get a bit ahead of myself and think you still care but then you blow up again. It makes me sad you think i would ever, ever hurt you.  I would not.  I could not.  I love you too much. I still think on you but i aint gonna do shit cuz i know you don't want it.  Thats fine.  I want you to be happy.  All i ever wanted.  Ya, i fucked up with you but you engaged too. You also wanted to be closer and i pushed. I shouldn't have.  Neither of us was ready but it happened. So fuck it.  I loved and still love you.  I want you to be happy and i obviously haven't done anything to usurp that, nor will i. Other than write here of course.  Night.

And now we wait

Destiny had bound us by string as thin as air but stronger than heavy iron shackles. It flows through the world as if it were a fresh but powerful stream cutting through rock and ore to find the sea again. It binds us, you and i. You cannot escape your fate.

It is not love that holds us. It is not anger, revenge, lust or any other such contemptuous feeling. It is something more. Something that burns at the soul, clouds the mind with endless whispering, pollutes the heart, and covers the eyes with an opaque glaze where only or reflections can be seen.

It is sin that binds us. The original sin. The forsaking of our creator. No, i do not mean Him with a capitol h. I speak on the one true creator, fate. We have scorned it with our actions and with our words. We tugged and pulled on it till it stretched so far we thought it broken but alas we were wrong.

We are bonded and ever shall we be.  The urouboros, the serpent eating is own tail, will be our legacy. The epitome to our existence. So come, come and end me. Slay me with your silver, pierce my heart, gash my throat, tear my tendons, shatter my bones, gouge the eyes, burn the skin, do as you please but know one thing. We are connected, you and i, and all that is done to me must be done unto you.

Its cause I wanna know

I want to know what's at the end of the line. I want to know what the point of this journey was and to what end it leads. I want to stand at the clearing at the end of the path and look upon the face of destiny. I want to. I don't know if I can though. The blood that once so happily flowed through my veins, criss-crossing its way through my body in hollow tube highways, now darkens the sand beneath my feet. The smell of copper hangs around me like a cloud. Strange, the smell of my own blood is much like the smell of the pennies I earn spilling someone else's. Irony I suppose. We live and die by the coin so it makes sense for it to seep into our very blood. My pistol has but two shots left. Enough of my own blood soaks the ground to make my fingers tremble and my eyes lose focus. This is the end for me. I can feel it. Fear doesn't hang about like I thought it would, rather a sort of rational calm holds my mind steady. I count my breaths. One, two, three, quick raspy cough, and four. Beneath me, legs that were once pillars holding up the altar of the mind and body, shake and tremble. The ground is getting closer now and the sand waits to greet me. I can't lie down now. There is still work to do.

From behind the lone tree that served as my wall between continued existence and something else, I can hear their footsteps crunching softly in the dirt. They are hesitant. I can't help but smirk, at least I think I'm smirking as I can no longer feel my face. Here, they thought their prey would be an easy one, some old man with  one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel as my pa used to say. Boy, did I show them otherwise. I had fired ten shots, leaving one pistol dry and the other with the two rounds, and left eight corpses for the undertaker. Only one miss, not bad. The last round found a nice cozy home in the gut of a man with a relic of a scatter gun. He moaned and thrashed about in the dirt for a bit before slowing to nothing but a wheeze, a wheeze I still hear. Like me, there wasn't much time for him. Luckily, the wind was in my favor and blew the stench of piss and shit let go in the final movements of the bodies before me. Something they never talked about in the grand tales of heroes and villains in that hall so many years ago. They never told of the screaming, the whimpering, the panting, the shitting, and the pissing a man does before letting go his mortal coil. I remember though, I will always remember.

"Come old man. Meet your maker." His voice was a facsimile or arrogance. I knew he was scared, the now nine dead men beside him didn't bode well for his chances at easy money.  It wasn't supposed to be ten either. If the three (who still lived and were currently inching around my hiding spot to flank me) had kept their drunk mouths shut in the inn, there wouldn't be so many men (and one manly woman) lying prone in the dirt. The bounty on my head had grown since last I checked and the coppers promised got in men's noses and in their own blood. Hot with greed and loosened with wine, they trailed the three fairly decent bounty hunters and attempted to ambush the both of us. Pity for them. They didn't stand a chance. Now, two of the three and one drunk waited for me or inched forward towards me. I didn't have much time.

"I see that more of you have met yours. So, you come and meet your maker son." It was hard to get it all out but i pushed.

Ive come to collect

I've  come to collect, he said.
Collect what, i replied.  I have nothing to give, i am already dead.
I have come to collect you.
And how are to collect me? As i said, i am dead. Are you to put me in your pocket, or have you brought a jar? How am i to be collected.
With a frustrated stamp of his foot he answered, you do not get my meaning at all.  I am to collect you as in you come with, of your own volition. Not in my pocket and not in some jar, are you mad?!
No, i thought.  But maybe, i thought more. Maybe i have gone mad. Maybe this is madness. Perhaps i should be put in a jar and displayed. Here, a mad man in a jar, my exhibit will read. Died amd collected on the eve of his 30th birthday.  Interesting only that he is in a jar amd not a pocket.
Well, he huffed, do you intend to come with me or do you wish to remain here?
I dont know.
He huffed again, i havent the time, im sorry, but you must make a decision.
How? What? Why? I asked him and he answered each with either a stamp of his foot, a huff, or a flick of his wrist.
Fine, if it will hurry you along, i will answer one question.  Ask.
Okay, i responded. What time is it?

One thing

One thing that has been bugging me as of late are shitty, shitty memes. Like the kind of stuff your grandma passes around thinking they are hip. I know they really dont carry any weight but there is something so aggravating about slapping these inane comments on pictures of random celebrities or figure heads. With the presidential debates ramping up, my FB feed is nothing but this trash and usually in favor of Trump. Its literally just trash at this point. Often, the text is long winded and really base so im doubly infuriated  (mildly) reading it.

I just really hate shitty memes. I barely stand them when they are good but there is something so lazy and despicable about shitty ones. Theu feel so damn passive aggressive and i dont know of a single person who has had some kind of epiphany reading one. Ever. They are made to point out an echo chamber and people using them they way they do fail to see this and just moot their own point. Cant wait for this election to be over...

October 9th

What a fucking great concert. We have been waiting for Miike Snow for the longest time (well not too long I guess since we only just started listening to them) and they did not disappoint. Up first though was Zella Day. Man, that woman could belt a tune out. At first, I didn't expect too much considering the only song I knew was pretty pop with essences of Lana thrown in to dirty it up. Hypnotic is the name of it and while I like it, it didn't make me believe that she was going to tear it up like she did. She was so spunky, so high energy, and so good at hitting those high notes that I was pretty blown away. Her band was solid too, transitioning to each song fluidly and trying to keep pace with her energy. The drummer got some solid solos which really drove home some of the endings. I felt like there were some slight timing issues though as they attempted to keep pace but they handled them with gusto and just powered through. She was pretty attractive too. It was surprising to notice that she was wearing literally noting but lingerie (a purple slip that had to be no less than satin) and she was quite curvy for someone so petite. There were more than a few times I noticed her jiggling as she was jumping up and down. The best though was when she actually broke the tambourine she was banging on and threw it into the crowd in pieces. The girls just in front of us were lucky enough to snag one of the chunks (pitting friend against friend for possession of the former instrument). She was way more than I expected and we both really enjoyed their set.

Then on to Miike. Man, these guys are a hoot to watch. Three guys from Sweden I believe (not really gonna fact check as its late) that decided that in between all the music they normally produce, they would start their own band. Of course they opened with Pull My Trigger. It was so cool hearing a song that we have been jamming to be performed live and with such skill. Each of the band, including the kooky singer, kept transitioning to different instruments and sound boards for each song. It was a literal game of musical chairs and we were the ones not sitting. They played practically every song I came to hear; Paddling Out, Pull My Trigger, Ghengis Khan, and surprisingly Animal. Not that I don't like Animal but I really did not expect them to just kill that version of it. It was their outro song (also the encore) and they messed with the tempo, add a few more bars, and practically screamed the last chunk. It was such a great set. The singer was so bizarre but really cool. He seemingly dripped a casual aloofness as he strutted across the stage in his simple black button up and jeans. Wearing aviators and sporting some shoulder length hair gave him this indispensably cool vibe. His timber is so interesting too, almost a falsetto but not? Really bizarre.

I've been really loving all these concerts and have greatly enjoyed each show. Marian Hill is still my favorite but you really can't beat that venue. The Rialto is okay by comparison (well honestly its shit by comparison) but the shows they get are great and the prices reasonable so it makes it hard to argue.
Well, I better sign off. Happy Birthday (should you read this). Goodnight dear readers (ad sites) and pleasant dreams (I hope no one clicks your links you dirty spywares!!)

Every day gone is another day closer

Every day that ends puts me one day closer to Australia. I am beyond excited about going. I just found out the other day that the trip won't last as long as I expected but it will still be a significant amount of time. I also learned that the itinerary will be mostly "hangout" stuff. We have plans to visit a few touristy destinations in Sydney and Canberra before we actually get to working (if we do work). I am kind of nervous about the trip. I'm not nervous about crashing, although I did have a dream that we did and I wound up on some deserted island near New Zealand for a few months before being picked up a la Castaway. In the dream, I remained myself and uploaded a joke video to Facebook telling everyone I wasn't dead. It was a pretty dope dream.

I'm mostly just excited to be on a completely different part of the world! That is still boggling my mind, the fact that soon I will be standing in such a way that the Earth will be between my feet and my home! Almost the entire diameter of the globe if I were to drill straight down would separate me from here! Its a great opportunity. I know the girls want to go, and we discussed it, but with hours being the way the are, there is no way we could afford the extra tickets. So it will be just me and the team.

There's a naughty part of me that wants to go to this super extravagant strip club in Canberra and I know some of the guys would be down but I don't think its a possibility nor do I think I could even broach it with HR being considered. What is neat though is that we might end up seeing Rogue One before like 90% of the world! Turns out, one of the head guys in Canberra is married to the owner of a local cinema and she has offered the chance to see an opening day screening of the film. That would be freaking dope. To not only be in a new country, on a different continent, in a different hemisphere, but also to live in the "future" relative to almost everyone else I know.

Well, I better get to class. Check back around mid-December for when I leave. Who knows, maybe I won't come back! Maybe this will be my last post (unless of course deserted islands have wifi). Just kidding of course but you never know, you know?

Adios amigos y amigas. Till next time.

NaNoWriMo Coming up

Time to get this blog back to its name sake and away from folk who think me to be some kind of villain. Time to write about villains instead. So let's get to planning:

I really like that story I started with the kid who wakes up in his own grave as ghost only to learn that a clerical mishap kept him from getting where he needed to be right away. I like the notion that death is just as annoying as life and that we can never escape our problems. I want to tease the notion that death is an escape, that debts in life persist into death and the companies and agencies we owe money to in life have made a deal with collectors in death to persist the debt. This story, even when dealing with death, should be more upbeat, that there really is no end. I want that to be the main theme; persistence.

I also liked the Witcher fan fic I started. While not a straight fan fic, I would like to explore more what it would be like if the conditions so the Witcher's world (magic, monsters, prophecy, and political intrigue) were to persist into the modern time. I like the notion that there would still be monsters roving about in the digital age. The main drama would be that their population (once thought hunted to extinction) would be seeing a comeback. This would be much to ironic chagrin to the environmentalists that once fought for their rights as living beings.

There is also the Cabin in the Woods spinoff. I was thinking it would be neat to write a story that is anthology of the some of the different monsters down in the basement. After all, those horrors existed prior to the events of the movie and thus they would have their own genesis, their own stories, and their own times to shine. That one would be pretty much a straight horror and would probably be the most difficult to do as it would involve various time lines, various points of view, and having to give human characteristics to monsters. I wouldn't be able to make them all cursed beings that wandered into their own fates. No. They would all have to be unique and organic.


Whatever I choose, I need to plan it, from beginning to end. I would need to sketch out the introduction, some rising action, the climax, the falling action and the conclusion. The conclusion may just be the most important thing to plan too. We need to know what the goal is, what the target we wish to hit is before just blindly throwing things at it. I don't know which I wanna take. I am leaning towards the death story. I liked the jaunty feeling of it and the possibilities of an annoying afterlife for someone who was annoyed by the world. The problem is how did he die? How did this young man go? Will it be an accident that takes him or his own doing? Both of these would have very important implications on the story and its overall tone as suicide implies insecurity while accident would imply an unfulfilled life. Either of these has its claws in us today. Each of us struggles with the things unsaid, undone, and unseen. Maybe I make the story a comical introspection on that. Maybe I make it on the missed opportunities we all face do to whatever reason. Write what you know they always say. Anyways, I should get back to my studies a bit before lunch time.


Till we meet again dear reader I bid you ado and if you're that special someone *cough* fucking advertisers that leaving fucking cookie data all over this page that pay into google adsense that annoy the shit out of me *cough* go peddle your wares elsewhere, and if you're not them please have a sensible look around. Mind your head though. These ceilings are not lofty.



I have decided. I am going to pour some efforts into the dead comedy. I will try and piece together a plan for it before november.

She comes

At night, they say, is a terrible whisper. A croak more than a whisper actually, they say. It calls out to those that wander the wood under dim moonlight. It taunts the lovers who flee the noise and light of the village, to wrestle their lust away from prying eyes. It tempts the children, fat with laziness and sloth with the prospect of candy and other confections.  It scents the air with musky lust to those men stumbling home after a hard night's drink.

It waits there.  Silent and calm like the grave with just as many bodies beneath, they say.  Me, being a man of reason and science, detest these tales. Not that i abhor fantasy, i actually while away many a hour between the covers of peculiar tales of far away places, rather i detest the notion of fear manifesting itself. Fear is, as many would agree, healthy in moderation.  Like a stiff drink, one or two can make you keen amd aware, any more and you're babbling to any who will listen.  All things in moderation.  Fear is a curious drug.

Fucking obsessed

With this goddamn song.
Thunder by Shaed. Its pretty damn dope. Poppy but not. Idk what it is but it's got me. I did see it live so that probably helps

Previously on Hannibal

Such a dark show. Obviously the notion of killing and eating folks isn't the nicest, most cheery, of plots but everything about that show is sorrow. Jack loses his wife, Abigail loses her family, Will practically loses everything (except Winston of course), hell even my favorite character Beverly Katz gets axed. There's almost no levity to the show after the first season but somehow it doesn't become melancholic. There is no fatigue that you often experience when movies and tv shows try to be edgy and dark by simply having the characters brood in there own despair. No, this show differs in having them live and die in it just like real life. Obviously, most people aren't hunting down a man without a hint of empathy as he calmly murders all those who annoy him but we do have our own trials. Our own demons that keep us up at night. This show lets the characters accept that loss and despair inevitable but also that perseverance is the key to survival. The come to blows with what tears them down, for better or worse, but they never give up. I think that's what distinguishes this constant drama filled show from others like it. This show accepts darkness and bears it without begrudging it. It bears it honestly and frankly. It event allows characters to slip into it, to succumb to their own irrational fears and lets them die in their.

Marian hill

Man. What a fucking great concert. We left early, it was in phoenix afterall, and the drive was long after school and work. The venue was a neat little place, The Crescent Ballrom, that was separated into two parts. The lounge, which looked like a neat little restaurant, and the main stage. The stage area was narrow but very long and it distributed space very well. The back wall was made up of concrete reliefs that came out about ten feet giving some elegant seating. The stage was small and short which allowed us to get super close. I mean, real fucking close. 

Here we are literally a short arm reach from Samantha of Marian Hill. Shes practically killing me with those eyes and that peekaboo slip of tummy there. Before her was Shaed and Verite. Honestly, i didnt expect much from the openers but man did they knock it out of the park! Shaed were a trio of younguns from DC that were all funky and high energy. Verite came out looking solemn and grim but killed it with her stirring vocals and eye popping shirt. Some pics: 

The show was awesome, save for a trio of more than drunk girls starting a fight right next to us, and i am so glad a random web link showed me the tickets. 

The only bummer was missing you dude. We drove past where you got in your accident twice. Obviously i dont know specifically where but i couldnt help but dwell on it. Im glad you at least were coming back from living your life you know. Like you werent going to let it be a boring day for you and thats so powerful. I know i promised you id live a more fulfilling life, for you, and ive been doing ok. Need to focus on body and mind like you were. I miss you so much man. 

Anyways. It was an amazing concert, we were sad l couldnt join, she wouldve loved it, but the experience was incredible.  

Nice

Concert tix are still available. I figured they would be. I mean Marian is pretty popular but she hasn't really exploded yet. I'm expecting a pretty laid back show with the ladies. Really looking forward to October though with Miike. Been grooving to their tracks a lot lately.

Saturday night was a hoot. It started weird at the bowling alley but ended really well. I have really missed hanging out with all my guy friends. One of the guys that moved away came back and we got to relive some old times together. It was nice. There's a great pic of me smiling like a damn idiot at the Buffet. It is interesting that I mainly feel more intoxicated when I'm with certain people. I know there have been studies on it but its odd to feel it in real life, especially considering I only had two.

C went nuts, like he always does. Dancing all over the place and we somehow always end up at IBTS. When we are with him though we end the night on the indoor dance floor as opposed to the ladies that like the outdoor. With fall weather approaching, I feel that we will be spending quite a bit of time on that concrete slab outside.

Of course ran into my cousin. It's not a big deal, in fact it was super easy this time, but it is always odd. Shes a nice girl and she mostly keeps to herself, it's just weird that she has a way better relationship with my dad than I ever have or ever will. It feels weird for me to even say "dad". So used to not saying it that it feels foreign to my lips (or fingertips in this case). Again, no big deal considering my Grandpa was my real father figure but he still was my Grandpa, not a true to form dad. I know I didn't miss out though. My real father is always hanging out at Hooters alone I guess (from what I hear from my sister) so I wouldn't have had much to idolize. I kind of feel that that's the saddest place to hangout. The food isn't that good, the booze is expensive, and you don't really get too much interaction with the girls. It's not even a poor man's strip club considering you can have a lot more fun at the club and not really spend that much.

What else we got? Australia trip is coming up fast. Its going to be a bit awkward with school but I'm gonna do what it takes to go. This is seriously an amazing opportunity and I need to make sure I get to use it. It will be super weird to literally be on the other side of the world, and I'll be bummed not being able to bring burr but I'm sure it will still be fun. We are just very different from a lot of other people that it's hard to hangout with other folk sometimes. I guess that's why L was such a good fit, on the most part. She's a bit more of a wild child than us but she's open. She, on the most part, isn't akin to saying no if she hasn't done something before which is very nice. I feel that this emergency roommate situation is getting better. Just need a bit more direction in certain bureaucratic things but that's not too big of a deal right now.

Don't have much else to vent right now. I mean, I do but I'll let it lay. It's just silly to be effecting someone so much when we all are living the lives we want or at least working towards the lives we want. We shouldn't waste time worrying about something that only effects us in a temporal sense. There I go, bringing it up, like I implied I wouldn't. Oh well. My blog. Literally no one reads this so its no biggie.

OH! Almost won at trivia. The new venue definitely has us feeling like are small fish in a big pond but with the help of my old buddy and his fiance, we made it in the top 3! It was a very fun game.

Nice

Concert tix are still available. I figured they would be. I mean Marian is pretty popular but she hasn't really exploded yet. I'm expecting a pretty laid back show with the ladies. Really looking forward to October though with Miike. Been grooving to their tracks a lot lately.

Saturday night was a hoot. It started weird at the bowling alley but ended really well. I have really missed hanging out with all my guy friends. One of the guys that moved away came back and we got to relive some old times together. It was nice. There's a great pic of me smiling like a damn idiot at the Buffet. It is interesting that I mainly feel more intoxicated when I'm with certain people. I know there have been studies on it but its odd to feel it in real life, especially considering I only had two.

C went nuts, like he always does. Dancing all over the place and we somehow always end up at IBTS. When we are with him though we end the night on the indoor dance floor as opposed to the ladies that like the outdoor. With fall weather approaching, I feel that we will be spending quite a bit of time on that concrete slab outside.

Of course ran into my cousin. It's not a big deal, in fact it was super easy this time, but it is always odd. Shes a nice girl and she mostly keeps to herself, it's just weird that she has a way better relationship with my dad than I ever have or ever will. It feels weird for me to even say "dad". So used to not saying it that it feels foreign to my lips (or fingertips in this case). Again, no big deal considering my Grandpa was my real father figure but he still was my Grandpa, not a true to form dad. I know I didn't miss out though. My real father is always hanging out at Hooters alone I guess (from what I hear from my sister) so I wouldn't have had much to idolize. I kind of feel that that's the saddest place to hangout. The food isn't that good, the booze is expensive, and you don't really get too much interaction with the girls. It's not even a poor man's strip club considering you can have a lot more fun at the club and not really spend that much.

What else we got? Australia trip is coming up fast. Its going to be a bit awkward with school but I'm gonna do what it takes to go. This is seriously an amazing opportunity and I need to make sure I get to use it. It will be super weird to literally be on the other side of the world, and I'll be bummed not being able to bring burr but I'm sure it will still be fun. We are just very different from a lot of other people that it's hard to hangout with other folk sometimes. I guess that's why L was such a good fit, on the most part. She's a bit more of a wild child than us but she's open. She, on the most part, isn't akin to saying no if she hasn't done something before which is very nice. I feel that this emergency roommate situation is getting better. Just need a bit more direction in certain bureaucratic things but that's not too big of a deal right now.

Don't have much else to vent right now. I mean, I do but I'll let it lay. It's just silly to be effecting someone so much when we all are living the lives we want or at least working towards the lives we want. We shouldn't waste time worrying about something that only effects us in a temporal sense. There I go, bringing it up, like I implied I wouldn't. Oh well. My blog. Literally no one reads this so its no biggie.

OH! Almost won at trivia. The new venue definitely has us feeling like are small fish in a big pond but with the help of my old buddy and his fiance, we made it in the top 3! It was a very fun game.

Addressing Genghis Khan

I realize that out of context the Ghengis Khan (or however i mispelled it) post may have been a bit unnerving for some without full context. The context is that its my end of year jam latley from Miike Snow. Gonna see the folks soon. The music video:
Youtube
To any who may have been unnerved by the content of the post should watch the video. Its a catchy tune.

I need to be better

I need to be a better engineer. I need to work harder on becoming smarter. Intelligence and knowing what to do comes from incremental failures. It comes from doing something wrong everyday until you do it right. Problem with me is i dont work enough. I dont put in the required hours. I need to be better. Get it done

Shorty

"Lets see," he said with the cut above his eye still bleeding. It wasnt bad he thought. It probably looks much worse than it is. She cringed as his hand approached, curling herself deeper under the car he found her by. "Girl, I don't have time for this. If i wanted you hurt i would have left those beasts to their business. Instead, i got myself cut up, ruining my favorite shirt, and i think i at least earn a half hearted thumbs up, ya?" His voice was annoyed but sincere. Eventually she eased a bit closer the edge he was crouched by. His eyes never left the street. The bodies of the monsters were still warm and steaming in the cool air. The stench of copper, their blood, hung in the air also like thick smoke. It coated his lungs and even though this was nowhere near the first time he smelled it, it always made him gag.

"Are they, gone?" Her voice barely a whisper. He couldn't blame here. Gerrad had dealt with these creatures, ghouls and small ones too, before. So much so as they were his bread and butter for his profession. A profession that had died out for a few centuries before becoming dangerously en vogue. 

"They ain't gone but they also aren't going anywhere." A flash of shadow caught his eye. A shape had ducked behind a corner just before he could focus on it. His nostrils flared as he breathed deep looking for the smell of living enemies. The cloying scwnt of the dead was bad and covered up everything else. In frustration, he spat into the dirt. Ghouls don't typically hide when blood had been spilled, and the pavement would need more than a few sprays to get it all off. Whatever was in that shadow wasn't a ghoul, that was for sure. 

"You killed them?" Her voice was more sure of itself but it still quivered in her throat. She couldn't be more than sixteen and living this deep in the city had its perks of not seeing one of these things as often as those beyond the wall. 

"As dead as my patience. Come girl, crawl yourself out of there." He took his eyes off the road, off the corner, but kept his ears on high alert. Silence was good but it held too many secrets. Slowly, his hand reached under the car and towards the cowering thing that looked up through wet eyes. "I only hurt monsters. Not young ladies. Now, let me see you better." This time she did take his hand, the one not covered in monster blood, and shimmied her way out from beneath the mini van that had enough claw marks on it to make the insurance agent feint. 

Finally, she had gotten out from underneath the vehicle and stood before him. Her stance, given the situation, gave her a cocky air as she had her shoulders back and her nosed turned up at him. Elites, he thought, covered in grease and dirt yet still find a way to make you feel beneath them. 

"Thank you, sir knight." He had to suppress a giggle as she curtsied as if they were in a more elegant ballroom as opposed to an empty street already teeming with flies over the fresh kills. 

"I'm no knight and you can save the pleasentries for now. I have slain three but the usually rove in larger packs. We must make haste out of here, into some place warm and bright." 

She looked around and pointed quickly at a hotel across the street. The high stone wall cleverly hid the metal spikes to thrawt climbing beasts looked like a good place to get behind. The entryway had a small guard shack with an armed man standing in it, mouth agape. Probably trained a dozen times for this exact incident but seeing as this is normally the quietest city, probably never turned theory into practice. Gerrad had half a mind to let his commander know, let his ears get boxed for not assisting with that rifle of his. 

"Looks good. Come." He gave her shoulder a hard nudge as he pushed her ahead of him. Bringing up the rear he swiftly followed, his steps quick and quiet as he didn't feel the danger was over. Up and down the street he could see faces looking out from fortified windows. A couple cars rolled down the street but upon seeing the steaming corpses, let their tires do the talking and tore out of the area. Everything seemed normal and quiet but he didn't like that shadow earlier. He didn't like things spying on him. Rarely did monsters spy, that was more of a human past time.
As they approached the walled hotel, the guard with a closely trimmed haircut and neatly tucked shirt finally closed his mouth and rushed out of his guardhouse to meet the two.
"Are you folks alright?" His voice was uncertain, burdened by guilt Gerrad thought, and he was fidgeting with the modern pistol at his hip. It was still holstered but his nervous fingers inched towards the trigger.
"She's fine. Take her inside. I don't think my work is done here just yet." The clicking of claws on conrete behind Gerrad further exemplified his point.
It was only one more ghoul. The night gets more interesting, he thought as he slowly began to cirlce inwards towards the creature. Ghouls have a humanoid form but with slightly longer arms, broader shoulders and narrow waists. Their legs tended to be short and thick with muscle as the used their trunk as a spring board to catch their prey. Their extended forearms gave them an advantage when it came to reach but also forced them to shuffle on their hands and feet much like an ape. Gerrad knew the "magic" distance to keep from them. He had to stay far enough that a pounce would leave them vulnerable but not too close as to be reached by their long arms. The main thing was to keep moving. They attacked in a straight line and werent known for their ability to attack well from the sides.
"Come on, you filth," Gerrad cursed while drawing his short blade. In the city, it was largely illegal to use a fiream on the street unless absolutely necessary. Even for hunters like himself. The decaying creature hissed at him through its crooked, fang riddled jaw. The two eyes set deep in its fleshy head burned like cools from the reflected street lights. They were more accustomed to the dark and Gerrad attempted to position himself in front of the brightest light he could find in order to blind the beast to his attack.
It moved and rotated with him as he expected. A few more steps and the glare would force the creature to squint and lose focus, giving the armed hunter his opportunity to attack. Just a couple more steps left but suddenly the creature stopped. Gerrad kept pacing inwards at angle, cirlcing closer but the beast stopped following his movements. It focused its head on him, its neck creaking and groaning grotesquely  but its hips and shoulders didn't move.
Interesting again, Gerrad thought. They normally never present their sides like that. They were too slow and vulnerable in this way, it was opening itself for an unguarded attack. Gerrad was about to lunge, when his curiosity  with the odd behavior halted his normally decisive movements, saving his life. His hesitant step, had he taken it as he normally would have, would have put him right in the tracjectory of a silenced rifle round. He heard, more like felt, the buzz and whine of the metal flying past him then heard a faint crack just down the street and up high. The round whizzed past his ear, taking with it a scrap of flesh from the side of his head and landing harmlessly in a stone bench just to his left with a crack and splinter of concrete. The guard, who had returned from setting the young miss inside, instinctively ducked and drew his weapon. His eyes cast towards the sound of the report, ex soldier no doubt. Gerrad thought it strange that he was so dumbfounded when seeing a ghoul but so quick to act when assailed by a sniper. The creature seized the opportunity and lunged at Gerrad clumsily as it still had to rotate its stiff and massive legs. Gerrad was surprised by the round aimed at where the back of his head should've been but his muscle memory ttok care of the rest with his blade. He ducked under the obscene arms expertly and slid the blade deep under the arm pit severing the artery there completely letting momentum of the creatures lunge do the work. The stroke was clean but the aftermath wasn't. Warm, reeking, almost black blood sprayed his face and chest as the wretch continued its doomed trajectory past him. Pity, he thought, this was his favorite shirt.
Not forgetting the sniper, Gerrad rolled gracefully behind a stone planter big enough to hide two of him. He thanked the architects that designed the bollards that could stop tanks yet didn't bring down property value as he peeked over the planter. The creature attempted to get up from its fall, leaving a growing pool of sticky blood behind, but only stumbled and fell a couple more times before it ceased to rise. Its breath still could be heard but the cadence slowed and became shallower to it stopped all together.
The street was quiet again. He looked over at the guard who was currently relaying a message over a small, handheld radio. 

Fuck you

Fuck you MIPS...honestly. programming is fun enough with bitwise register operations. I dont feel like doing this shit...


Back to it.

I know you read this

Well I obviously looked but really it's just because you have been for more than week straight now. I don't know your motivations. I don't talk to you, I don't talk to anyone about you, I don't do shit but sometimes write about you because you're always on here! I don't know why you think I'm some evil thing. The last message I sent was an email after we got into a fight because of one of these posts on here and the last object I sent you was that bag of Kit Kats and that Cat Plant I bought you when you had that really bad breakup. Yes, I looked at your stuff but the honest trigger was you. I mean:

So the top one is just a snap shot of some of the looks and the bottom is a bar graph of the times you visited this week. Orange is mostly you until the last one, that one is me three times. I also had stuff from when you lived with your dad both before and after our last fight. You look all the time. I went three months without looking at your stuff. After that stalker thing you did on your tumblr. I mean you stopped using it so I stopped caring. Then, you started looking again. I didn't do anything to preempt it. I was just doing my thing. I've seen you click on the Pinterest link (which was broken at the time), click on my imgur link, everything.


For your information, the above is from Statcounter, a free service that simply tracks web traffic on a specific URL. Nothing nefarious. The "Katrina2?" tag was me. I had no one of knowing who that is. The IP address might seem like its invading but that's nothing. That's a label given by your ISP so unless I was friend's with Cox, I can't do a thing with it.

I don't know why you think I'm so dangerous. The last time I saw you I was trying to avoid. Well, the Hut was just make sure that was you but once I found out I left. I went to Mr. Heads and you guys came walking in. After that I left again and still you guys walked by me. I didn't think anything of it, I thought it was funny, but I didn't want to interfere. I don't know how that's dangerous.

So yes, I have looked but you baited me. I even wrote on here that you looking is baiting me. Yes, I should've ignored but what am I supposed to think? I haven't done anything. I have NEVER harassed you. If someone told you I have or you have some notion that I have, that is all fallacy. I don't know where you live, your tumblr (if you have one), your facebook is gone, but I do know pinterest obviously. If you are that worried about me skulking around, get stat counter. http://statcounter.com/, this site will allow you to see who's looking at your stuff. Obviously you would need to be able to inject a little code so you would need access to the source. Tumblr allows it and so does a few others.

This will be the last thing I post on here with this URL. If this blog offends you so, then I will hide it. It was supposed, and still is, my scratch pad. Your looking though has influenced it though obviously and if that offends, i'm sorry but i'm also not. This is my space. I can do here as I please. I'm never violent, nor am I violent. We were friends for years so you should know that.

Once you see this one, the URL will change and I won't link it anywhere.

Honestly, I miss you but I don't know what's going on with you. I don't know what I have done to make you feel like I'm so damn dangerous. Honestly, I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of trying to figure out what you want.

I hope you live a happy life. I really do. I'm happy and you deserve no less but I feel that I need to simply disappear from this space. There's no need for so much drama. I don't think we should be effecting each other's lives from behind a screen.

Adios

I'd like to know what's up

But I'm still too much of a baby. Maybe not a baby but maybe something a bit different. I don't wanna be the one to break the ice but the carrot has been used by both sides so I think we now are waiting to see who will bite first. I have a few questions, and I assume anyone who may read this may as well but probably not considering I have been writing on here nearly every day. I have to though! Jammers. So what's been going on? Hopefully all good things.

I recently got to reconnect with an old friend which is nice. Have lost too many, you know? I'm terrible at making new ones too. I rarely speak on campus but I do talk a lot at work and I know most of the folk there like me. Just a couple of folk I'd really like to get back into the swing with. Most are far away and others, well, you know (FUCKING WINKEY FACE!!!!) I wanted an extreme emoji here but I think old man caps lock is the way to go. You'll notice that these sentences are a bit more coherent, a little bit more complex, and not as fraught with spelling errors. Its cuz I'm using my laptop and not my phone (I used cuz cuz its fun and you're just going to have to deal with it!). 

What we got planned for the week? 

Some dope stuff no doubt. Maybe meet up with Gianna.....hehehehe. Inside jokes are great unless you're on the outside then not so much. Suffice it to say that meetup would be pretty scandalous. A real page turner. I'm mostly writing on here because I'm goofing around avoiding this program I have to write. It's super simple but I'm not feeling it. Maybe in like another 100 words or so I will. 

Anyways. 

What you want to talk about? 

You know, I feel like I'm on Sesame Street. I'm calling out to you dear reader and expecting a response but obviously won't get one so I'm going to assume one and guide this little "conversation" the way I want. First, wouldn't it be weird if Sesame Street responded? If Elmo could hear you cursing at him or hear your intentionally wrong response and be like, "real original bitch..." and just walk off? That would be pretty dope. 

Back on topic. 

Where we going camping? I'd like someplace with snow. I know I don't have half the gear necessary but I always kind of fantasize about camping somewhere in the snow. I can hear the crunch of fresh powder now as a chill runs across my skin! It would be exciting. Not below freezing mind you, I'm not some kind of wild man, but some light winter camping would be pretty neat. 

I do very much miss it...

Well, I should get back to work. I think this has been more than 100 words. Enough doddling (sp?). Got HW to finish and money to make. Bibitty boppity bo..........end.


Ps. I kind of think like, one more. One more after this then ill go all in. 

I get a little bit genghis khan

Dont want you to get it on with nobody else but me. Nobody else but me!


Soon. Soon.

Blues festival {NOW WITH LINK}

A hoot and a half. Half awake now, sprung awake from a good snooze seeking cool water and a bathroom, so i wont post too much. I will chronicle later though. Need to digest the pics. Next time you should dear reader.

So the Blues festival was a major success. All the way in Bisbee there was a one and a half hour drive there. Luckily, we bored my moms truck so the trip was smooth for burr, l, v, and I. The country that way is so green in comparison, it was a nice change of pace. On the way there though, v had to dose up on some special brownies...we didnt participate, we know their effect and didnt want that for the festival, but l and v did. They were solid for the entire trip there but started getting funky at Bisbee itself. At some lunch there, this little hole in the wall cafe that was forty freaking bucks for sandwiches and quiche...oh well. Something new. From there we made our way to the actual venue.

It was some park at the top of a small hill in the middle of Old Bisbee. It was small but was a well designed outdoor amphitheater. The bandstand had no seating, people had to bring their own, but there was a wall of giant steps that provide some easy comfort. L and v were feeling it at the point so they rooted there. Burr and i made our way to the stage though.

Man, was that music fucking good! The first band was a bunch of old white dudes who were good but we werent buying what they were selling. Everyone after was just stellar. The percussion, the bass, the funky riffs washed over us as we swayed with a bunch of old folk who went absolutely nuts. One guy burr managed to snap was just possessed by the spirit of the music! It was nuts. Some pics:

Gonna transfer the rest to imgur soon. It was just a blast. Some of the best live music ive heard and just a really cool experience. The year of live music for me has been wrapping up well with a few more to close out the '16 calendar. Obviously Miike Snow is coming up and Marian Hill. 

Ive been loving these experiences. The raw talent some folk have is so mesmerizing and inspiring. Now if i can only learn how to dance...

Well, i know this wasnt as informative, still typing on my phone so fatigue sets in quick, as you would probably  like dear reader. I might come back to it later. Do a full breakdown on each band i heard, or i might not. Im a brat l says so i might as well live up to her knickname for me. 

Goodnight, good morning, and good afternoon.

Link?

https://goo.gl/photos/RQ6i4k2YZrsBG1Tw7

Interesting

So last night i have a dream that my sis gets in an accident and dies then i get a call at 11 saying she was in accident...shes fine obviously  but its still weird. Then my boss texts me that he is getting a ticket. Luckily im fine and can offer help but damn. Cant the universe just chill for a bit?

Can i keep you

Can i keep you from harm?

Can i keep you from heartache, from hunger, from loneliness? 

No.

You are not mine to keep. 

You are smoke.

Intangible, made of ether, but still you fill my lungs and surround my head in a cloud. 

Can i keep you happy?

Can i keep you healthy, warm, and full? 

No. 

You are separate from me and are a part of chaos. 

A soul unbound from mine, cast adrift in the sea of time with all us refugees.

Can i keep you, i ask. 

No, you answer. 

I will try, i respond.

But you may keep me.
Keep me with you.
Let my lessons guide you, my stories entertain you, your memories remind you that i am there.
When you strike, i strike with you.
When you run, i will be behind you.
When you are afraid, i will be beside you if even just in thought.

I cannot keep you, but you may always keep me.

This was inspired by the Witcher books ive been reading. I like this idea of Geralt having to deal with Ciri getting older and him becoming less needed. 

It's official

So this last weekend was kind of nuts. Lots of booze, still not drunk, lots of weird fights, and a third member has joined the party here at the house. Family shit never ceases to amaze me. We all think we have a handle on these things, these feelings we have, but this kind of shit just put in perspective how much we don't know about ourselves and about the people we care most about. It is sad but I saw it coming, and I guessed the reason too. I mean, it was obvious but just to have the truth laid bare really helps solidify some assumptions I had. Anger and regret are powerful motivators to mistreat people. So, now we have a roommate. How long will it last it last is uncertain but I feel that we are all mostly a good fit for each other. I think we can teach her what it means to be open and free and she can teach us how to be more outgoing, so hopefully it will all workout. Move in was yesterday and it went exceedingly well, barring the emotional turmoil leading up to the move of course. Now only time is left to deal with. Time to see how these new puzzle pieces will fit.

The weekend was pretty fun up until the emotional shit show though. More of the same, bars and dancing, and luckily no chasing people down. Strangely absent was good live bands, or at least there weren't any the places we went. Uber and Lyft are convenient but unnecessary for me, plus I hate having someone who clearly doesn't know the area drive me around and that last guy reeked of weed. I don't know, I prefer to drive if I'm being honest.

This coming weekend though we have a big trip planned. Going all the way to Bisbee to catch a Blue's Festival! I'm pretty dang excited. Only have been to Bisbee once, its a neat little city and I have the pics online I believe, but I'm super interested in the music that will be played there. Blues and Jazz have the reputation for very impromptu performances with lots of adlibbing. I'm really excited actually. The tickets weren't too bad, 20 each, and my mom is going to let us borrow her new truck to get down there. I'll be sure to take lots of pics. Another great memory hopefully.

OH! Got my passport book and card now. The Australia trip is getting closer and closer. The only hurdle I see is perhaps school gumming up the works for me at least. The leave day may be close to or on final's day. We will see what happens.

I could write more on the new triad of folks here at the house but I have homework and mental digestion to do. Adios

Lovely to see you

The air was warm, damp, full of voices and rank with the smell of cheap beer and sweat. The crowd moved rhythmically, like seaweed under the tide. The floor, sticky with spilled drinks, was crowded and tense with the promise of sweaty, more intimate nights. It wasn't my scene. The women were hot and the men too but I had to remain focused, lust could wait. My perch was a stool in the back, taken from a table over crowded with young pups freshly 21. Their shot glasses were stacking up and their ability to be coherent was inversely related. They didnt interest me too much besides the fact they might make enough of a ruckus to blow my cover. Have already been here two hours, mixing my time feigning interest in the bad outside and musing over the drink options at the bar. I ordered a whiskey coke and have been nursing it the last forty minutes. I needed to be sharp but didnt need the keenest edge. The booze calmed me enough.

It was supposed to be another easy one. Follow the girl, see what she does. I don't normally take these kind of jobs, a matter of misguided principle i suppose, but they paid decently enough. I wasn't sure she would be here but this was one of her three top hangout spots when the man was out of town. Had to do a little digging on her social media, which always makes me dirty but not as dirty as a telescopic lens peering in through windows from shady parking spots, to get some geolocation data of where some photos had been taken. Thankfully, one of her friends was a bit careless with her privacy and it didn't take too long to find this place. So I wait. There's a physics notion that to increase the likelihood for any two particles to meet, one should stay still and that's exactly what I intended to do. Stillness and patience were traits that were honed by years of waiting and being the intermediary for my family. I think most of my impatience had been burnt away years ago. The night was still young, my drink was mostly water at this point as the ice had all but vanished, and their were plenty of pretty things in short skirts and tight tops to look at. Could be worse I shrugged to myself as I casually checked my phone again. Still no message which is good news at this point. I was just about to check some emails when I heard a familiar voice. Sweet, if but a little too high pitched with a little too much emphasis on the consonants as if it pained her a little to say them.

I have a bit of a thing for voices. I know everyone can recognize certain voices

Dang homie!

Slow down! Gotta give me some time to get some new material unless you just teasing me which is fine. Might have another weird short story soon. Depends on homework. Im thinking something of an erotic nature to go along with some recent events

Kubo and the two strings review

What a spectacular movie. Lets focus first on the story itself. We open with a young woman adrift in a tumultuous sea. The raging waters and stormy clouds try and yank her down into a watery grave but her iron will and magical disposition saves her momentarily. Eventually, the seas prove too strong and shes pulled below with a sickening crack of her skull. Dragging herself along a beach, face cut and body broken, we see that she wasnt the only passenger on the ill fated boat. A young child was wrapped securely in a red robe is her reason for fleeing.

We open several years later with young kubo, the wrapped baby by the sea and his mom living in a cave facing the very ocean that tried to swallow them whole. What tranpires after that is a magical story about story telling and the magic that transpires in the words of a heroic tale. The story itself is a story. A story kubo is told as a boy by his mom and that he retells as well to local villagers. The movie becomes a living representation of what it means to remember and to retell the grand stories of our lives. Kubo is a story teller by trade, his magic is the ability to control paper and other objects to help advance the tale. A very simple but powerful allegory of how stories take on a different life to the reader/viewer. Its kubos life and history and we are the viewers sharing it with him while being told it. There are several moments where characters, upon worrying about their own demise, are reassured by realizing that our deaths are inevitable, that all stories have an end, but there may not be an end in their retelling. We live on in the words and memories of those who care to know our stories.

The performances in this movie were great with, spolier free i promise, characters with very subtle traits that really make sense after you reflect on the story later. The beetle night is the righteous hero with no memory and the monkey is the protective and somewhat cold protector. Their roles quickly change as the tale unfolds and the are played with such sincerity. Every character in story is played so well.

The animation though is so breath taking its almost distracting. The bulk of the sets and the entirety of the characters are hand crafted by some of the best artists in the game. The massive skeleton they do battle with was real and the post credits sequence really shows off the talent and skill of these folks and the beauty they created.

Saturday evening [now with edits!!!]

Man this is bad! Thats what happens when you type and walk/party. I can see each time i stopped, and i know you cant so its very incoherent. I do like i blatantly mentioned some folk. I guess non sober me doesnt give a FUCKKKK! Jk. Either way this is a roller coaster of memory for me and i know its slop for you. Ill step my game up later.

It was an overall fun weekend focused largely on attending various clubs and alcohol. I was "drunk" for about half an hour on Saturday with zero loss of control. The ladies tried to convince me to let go more but i dont know if i can. I dont know who i would be while drunk and id rather not be a burden to be honest. I would have preffered going to the club, even if it wouldve been packed, but one of the ladies would not have liked that. Instead we partied it up with all the fresh meat from the new semester. I will never appreciate the sudden influx of dumbasses that happens this time of year. It just gets worse and worse.

Next weekend outing id like to do something physical. A hike, a bike ride, an orgy (jkjkj) or something that gets the heart racing and muscles working is definitely desired. We do have a concert in phx coming up. That should be fun and tickets are still cheap. Well, if you continue reading after this, good luck! Its choppy garbage as i would spend thirty to forty seconds writting up some incoherent (separated by hours) thoughts.


3rd time drunk, i suppose, with 3 ladies. Lovely. Girl just vomitted in front of me. Get your shit together girl. So im going to live update this experience. At the hut, last time i saw you bokat, well techincally second to last time. Ive decided to say fuck it. I know either youre looking or someone else, your bf maybe but  i doubt, is so whatever. Youre like the only true reader other than myself so this is for you to laugh at me. Some girl just ralphed right in front of me. What bothers me most is the obsession to be with toxic people. It of course ended how i expected. I knew i shouldve said something. The amount of selfishness from L has always been there. Technically, its not wrong. I mean everyone's life is different so being slefish is fine but the thing is thats not how we live. We dont just disappear because some penis says to. Now, she never showed that this isnt a possibility, in fact i really just waiting for this to happen, but it is frustrating. Especially since all her stuff is here and she doesnt even have money or her ID...
I should've said something. It turned out pretty shitty. Lots of frustrated tears and cursing (cursing only from me).

It all got resolved in the morn though. Their were sincere apologies and pretty good talks. I still think a few more things need to be discussed but a later time. Shes gonna be a difficult friend for us. Shes a good person but is so prone to whims *cough boys cough* that dissappearing suddenly is not outside her wheel house and we will always worry. The things ive seen in my life to the people  i care the most for has just shown me that sometimes the wrong dumb choice is the one that hurts you or takes your life. I dont think i could lose another friend like that.

More firsts

Tried hookah for the first time the other day. Talk about a over hyped event. I can see being drunk or being high but hookah? That was some boring nonsense. Plus, after a few minutes it felt like sucking straight ash with me coughing and feeling like i was standing over the bbq. Not a bad experience, was with my ladies, but i wouldnt be clamoring to do it again. The Harry Potter shots at auld were read though. A shitty drink, curaco and schnapps, but it's more about the fire ball experience.

Uh. Dont have much else to report right now. Come back after the weekend.....gonna be some juicy deets after that huehuehue (try and laugh in the grossest way).

Can't sleep

Chasing ghosts in my head with my imagination just keeps me up. The witcher will protect me though, if i have the coin that is

Was a nice little chat

Had an interesting dream last night. Was chatting with an old friend, catching up over lost time, learning interesting developments, and reconnected. It was cathartic in the dream. Wounds, long since closed, were dressed and treated. The conversation was earnest and difficult at times but felt very cleansing afterwards.

It got me thinking though, could i make that a reality? Its always awkward to start those conversations up, especially after so much time had passed, but are they really awkward? Is that something inherit to the topic or are we just told it should be? I mean, we were always frank with each other in the apex of the friendship. Words were never held back. Now though, it seems like mountains have grown between our ears and climbing to the summit to shout to the other side had become this gargantuan task almost, or at least it feels that way. The dream was easy though. A quiet restaurant, some sweet smelling drinks, and empty plates were all that was between us at the time. Now obviously the dream never shows the preamble, the rising action to the climax of the movie. I don't know how to get there but it was nice if even in only my dreams.

Plus, all this marriage nonsense going on and the move? I don't know how you guys are doing but its been a bit too long for me to just but in ya know dude? Anyways.

School starts up again tomorrow. Yeay. Got some interesting classes this year, mostly classes that will help with the job. Shit like, integrated systems development, OO Programming, and hopefully some more linux or bios stuff. Kind of outside my scope at work but I wanna be lean and mean, you know?
This weekend we have one last blowout planned. It's been interesting watching the change. Hormones and the drugs that treat them have a funny affect on the mind. Really puts this whole reality concept into a weird little question.

Third time and still charmed

Last night, and this early morn, was a hoot and a half. Went to a Wednesday night concert featuring Kiev,  A Silent Film, and the always awesome Silversun Pickups. I really liked Kiev (link For the lazy). A group of very interesting dudes who just knocked it out of the park and had some pretty dope sax solos. A Silent Film was pretty good. Much more pop than i usually like but their presence was fun and their energy way up, they really got the crowd moving.

Silversun though....man. They always put on a great show.  This was the third time i have gone to see them and im still excited to see them again. They always mix in their hits into the set while also playing new songs. Its a great tribute to fans and a artistic release for them. Some bands we have seen try not to perform their hits to protect some kind of "artistic  integrity" but it always make them seem snob like. Went with two girls again, go figure, at the Rialto. Its a pretty decent venue but gets a little too sardine like for my tastes. Felt bad though, my boss was really looking forward to going but just didnt have the time.

Afterwards, went and hit the town and whats weird is i was nervous all day which is usually an omen that we are going to run into someone, which of course we did. My cousin. It wasnt bad but there is always that awkwardness. Really just a good thing it wasnt my aunt. Hope someone else went though. I know she had a blast last time at the fair. The bars were dead but we were like fuck it and had some really tasty shots [jolly rancher was the name and different flavors was the game]. Had fun till 4am chatting, laughing, having very introspective talks about feelings and the future. It was good times.

Well next concert planned is Miike Snow (link For the lazy again)

What is love

Baby don't hurt me. Dont hurt me. No more.

So the flight of the Conchords tickets may be too outrageous at this point, almost 200 for the two of us to sit in the balcony...Thankfully, the Miike Snow conert is gonna be much cheaper. The three us are gonna have a grand old time. They are one of those bands ive unknowingly liked for awhile, with several of their songs making me tap my toes and sing along before i even knew it was them. Theyll be accompanied by this kinda soulful kinda poppy woman whose name eludes me right now.

The meteor showers last week were pretty good. Not the show stoppers we were expecting but we may have been to close to the city to get the full affect. Did drive quite a ways out to see them better only to get pulled over for speeding once back in town...
Luckily, no ticket was written. I have am enormous amount of luck when it comes to evading those expenditures amd the other night was no exception.

Shit. Wasted too much time. Gotta get up and to work. Finish you later

Went out with l, my sister, and brother in law last weekend. It was pretty fun, much more reserved than some of other outings with l which is good. Less stress. Thankfully, one of the guys who is all up in her grill was more relaxed in his drive since j was there. He couldnt be himself i suppose.

Oh, going to silversun tomorrow. Gonna be dope

Bunch of clowns...

So ive been rocking a man bun for a year now. Getting better and better at doing them up but still people poke and jab at me. I dont care. Its just hair and i have enough self esteem to take it. Do to my almost trademark look though, the guys at work decided to all buy those berets with hair attached that look like buns....thats right, they clowning on me. Even the bald guys have a tuft of fake hair glued to their heads...

Maybe pics later.

My fat ass...

It makes me kind of nervous to say so

It has begun again. A very similar road is before us and the path is nearly cut the same. There's a growing feeling, the sensation felt before, that is all to familiar. I know she's growing more smitten and i as well but honestly not as much. Some events have played out in similar ways, with only a change of scenery and characters differentiating the two. Upbringing is the root of issues though. The cold rearing process, and its end (or lack there of), had seemingly produced two people similar and yet diametrically opposed in our path. There is something on my mind though. A feeling. Its almost like a scent in the wind. Like some cartoon pie resting on a windowsill and me tracking it back by the ephemeral scent lines that lift me from my feet.

My life has taken a turn i did not anticipate but had provided much intrigue. Hmm. Oh well. Good morning or good evening dear reader. Be well and remeber, Friendship is Manly

Suicide Squad Review

So i really wanted to like this movie. The advertising did change my initial reaction to the film from a maybe see to a really want to see. After watching it though, im torn. There are parts that were fun and less somber, as seen by the ads but then there were times it tried to shoe horn some emotional weight with the whole, "don't hurt my friends" thing. I did, overall, have fun with the movie. It was more like the hero movies of old (see early 2000s) with smart mouthed heroes who never break the pg 13 barrier but bristle in such a way they make you feel like they are close.

I like the characters if i dont look too deeply. Problem is, there are no establishing movies with these particular versions so having the weird, almost trailer like first act. The movie was very uneven with the film not finding its footing till around the second act and that footing was cliche at best (enjoyable though) or just plain stupid at worst. I liked Harley, Deadshot was OK after you got over the fact is just Will Smith in a funny suit (he always just plays Will Smith in a funny suit though), and everyone else was pretty forgettable. I hated the Joker. I never once believed he'd be a king pin of some crime syndicate as I just couldn't take him seriously, not like the Dark Knight's Joker. There was a guy, completely insane, but maybe he wasn't? Maybe it was all an act. That's what was so unnerving about him. The fact that he could be so brilliant that it could all be a ruse. This Joker was edgy with his tattoos and grill but that's all it was. Decoration. I never felt true menace from him and he was more of a deus ex machina really with no real development.

The worst had to be slipknot...Honestly? Kill him 45 seconds or so after introducing him. Yes, we all saw it coming with him not being in most of the trailers but come on.

The movie felt so uneven though and the antagonist was the antagonist because they assembled to protagonist. Talk about a flimsy setup. The only reason there was a bad guy was because they assembled the "good guys"! Total bullshit.

Overall, once you realized you wouldn't care about them as people with real thoughts or real feelings, they were great action figures duking it out on screen.