A true drunk rant

Not really but pretty close.  Closest i have ever been at home. What do i wanna talk about? Do i wanna talk about being a total fuckup, or do i wanna talk about being with some one who thinks me a monster. Fuck it. You aint gonna read this anymore so what do i care.  Funny. I obviously do care else i wouldnt be writing to you.  I miss you something fierce but i know its not reciprocated so i just flounder. I dont know what it is but something about ya draws me.  Now, i aint gonna do shit but bitch and moan on here, hell i havent even looked at your pins since you called me a stalker or some shit like that.  Not gonna lie, that made me upset. Ya, i have looked at your boards but honestly you looked first. I remember now.  It was when my sis helped you at your bank.  I was curious if you would look at me and you did.  At that point, i gave up on looking for you.  I didnt check statcountet, i didnt look at your stuff, nothing.  I had pretty much gotten over you.  Then my sis texts me that she helped you. That you recognized her.  Then you go and look at my shit.  I didnt do anything.  I didnt message you, didn't look on pinterest, didn't do shit but just be at school and you look.  Then, i get curious.  See you wanna get married to some guy, which is your right but idk. It seems quick.  Yes I'm jealous but beyond that it still seems very quick.  Then you look more, and i look more.  I get a bit ahead of myself and think you still care but then you blow up again. It makes me sad you think i would ever, ever hurt you.  I would not.  I could not.  I love you too much. I still think on you but i aint gonna do shit cuz i know you don't want it.  Thats fine.  I want you to be happy.  All i ever wanted.  Ya, i fucked up with you but you engaged too. You also wanted to be closer and i pushed. I shouldn't have.  Neither of us was ready but it happened. So fuck it.  I loved and still love you.  I want you to be happy and i obviously haven't done anything to usurp that, nor will i. Other than write here of course.  Night.